Back in the day

I wish I lived in a time where people were still friendly. Don't get me wrong; friendliness does still exist. However, 8 times out of 10, I would venture to say that if a stranger happened to be walking next to us down the street and attempted to start a conversation we would probably think 1 of 5 things: this person is selling something, this person is going to attack me, this person is crazy, this person is annoying, or "What person? I don't see any person. I'm just going to act like I am deaf and keep my head down." Granted, there are those of us, a rare few, that are "talkers." Often they are looked at with disdain by the rest of us, the "semi-talkers," the "placaters," the "non-talkers," the "avoiders," and the "don't-look-at-me-or-I-will-castrate-your-fluffy-kitten-ers." It really is sad and so different from the world where my grandparents and great-grandparents lived--a world where you genuinely wanted to know your neighbor and where you did just strike up conversations with people you didn't know. In fact, it would have been rude to not talk to someone next to you. Now we live in a society where we expect that someone is after something if he or she is just nice for no reason.

A couple days ago I was walking into the store and an old man started talking to me. My first thought was, "Ooookay." I gave a placating smile and subconsciously quickened my step; I justified it because it was cold outside. I consider myself to be a nice person and do talk with people in social situations, but I was surprised how awkward I felt as he just continued talking, making me slow to his pace. He talked about the cold, the parking spot, the holidays--just normal small talk--and I started to wonder just how far away from the store I had actually parked. He also mentioned his wife, lest I think he was trying to make time with me. Very cute. The truth of the matter is that by the time I held the door to the store open for him, I realized he pretty much made my day. It was a truly nice exchange. I got over the initial odd vibe and actually enjoyed our chat. The test will be if I talk to someone the next time I am walking into the store. Do I want to make myself vulnerable? Granted, the person will probably think I am nuts, but sometimes life is about taking that chance. I might go beyond the smile or the "Hi," the "Hey," or the "How are ya?" that you hope the person doesn't answer. Can you imagine just walking by someone , offering a brisk "How are ya?" and having the person stop and say, "Weeeeell, now that you ask. The gout is flairing up, I had to put my dog to sleep yesterday, I lost my credit card, and tomorrow is my birthday. How are you?"

Another situation popped up yesterday. I was walking out of the grocery when a woman who worked there said something along the lines of, "Excuse me. I know I just work here and shouldn't get personal, but you're looking really good." This could have been spurred by the fact I was in gym pants, but it was still a nice gesture. The funny thing is that just that afternoon I complimented a woman at my doctor's office on her nail polish; it was actually a very vibrant, over-the-top red, but I could tell that she was making a show of having her nails done. She beamed when I told her they looked pretty, not unlike I probably smiled when I got my compliment. I am one to take chances and compliment someone. I am not great at taking compliments back, but I am getting better. Many people don't care enough to take that extra step. I like seeing people smile, though. And the chat with the woman at the grocery definitely made me smile.

S has told me that I can be friendly to the point of being annoying. He said it didn't bother him, but that he wondered if it rubbed people the wrong way. You know, I am sure it does sometimes. Other times, though, people say I am refreshing. I would rather know that I might have made someone smile who would not have done so had I not taken a little extra step. I don't give false compliments, and I am not phony. I don't want to be sickly sweet, and I don't think I am, but I also don't want to temper myself. I would rather live in a by-gone era where people actually cared about each other. And I would actually like to give my neighbors cookies at Christmas, and maybe next year I will do just that. I think this world is what we make it. I'm not going to sing Kum-bi-ya 'round a campfire or anything, but I do think we get what we give. And, while I have been called a martyr, I know I am no saint; none of us are. However, I want to change the part of me that had that moment of annoyance and maybe even "Oh great!" dread when the old man spoke to me. It is in reaching out to one another that we are reminded how much we all are alike. William Allen White once said, "If each man or woman could understand that every other human life is as full of sorrows, or joys, or base temptations, of heartaches and remorse as his own... how much kinder, how much gentler he would be."

I think he is on to something.