Wish Lists

You know how Amazon has a Wish List? Don't you wish people did, too. Seriously. You create a Wish List of all the things you want people to know, but you can't tell them. Or you just create a list in general.

For example, "Wish List of My Future." I want kids by 25, a house in Connecticut, the house must have 3 bedrooms. I want a husband how knows how to unicycle and a white dog with black spots named Barney. There. Those are the key things. If your goals do not meet mine, you need not apply.

This list could also spawn other lists. Just think of it: Things I Wish My Boss Knew, Things that Turn Me On, Things I Wish You Would Do for Me, Things I Actually Want for Christmas. (Well, for some people that last one already exists.)

Then there are the negative lists: Why I Do Not Like Your Family, What Not to Do After Sex, Things You Do That Aggravate Me. Oh, the possibilities.

And the best part? There would be an online index of the lists in a little computer that people could just plug into our USB port on our wrist or something. (We can't risk taping such valuable information to our clothes; it could get lost. It could also lead to embarrassment, "Hey, I, uh, found this list on the ground. Is it yours? Do you like playing Mortal Kombat as part of foreplay?" No, that would not be a good thing.

It would have to be a computer. A mini computer with a list of all our lists. No dialogue. No secrets. Just pure, unbridled bluntness. You just plug in, and it's all right there. Who each of us is. All of it. Right there. In our wrist. Or somewhere.

*inhales*